Monday, April 18, 2011

Paralyzed

Life feels pretty stressful lately, and something needs to change.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about volunteering. Not just for the betterment of the community, but also for the selfish purpose of advancing myself, career-wise. From what I’ve observed, successful people are busy and involved in their communities. I, however, just go to work and come home.

Volunteering could be a way to meet new people, network, learn new skills, and maybe even discover a potential new career. But volunteering won’t solve any of our financial problems in the short term, and those are the problems that feel most pressing right now. I also worry that a volunteer position could cost me money – money spent driving around town for example, or money to attend events, money that I don’t have. But I can’t change my life if I never leave my apartment, right?

I also am seriously considering a second, part-time, just for the extra cash. Something I’ve considered many times in the past, but never followed through on. I worry of course about the extra time away from home – less time to do chores, grocery shop and cook meals (the effort that is keeping our grocery bill so low), less time with my husband-to-be. My fears of rejection of course crop up too, “why would anyone want to hire me? etc.”

I don’t have enough money for life. Period. I can’t support myself 100%. I can’t pay off my debt as fast as I’d like to. I can’t travel or buy presents for my loved ones. So more income (through a second job) feels like the only solution.

This is where I feel paralyzed. I feel like I can only do one thing at a time and I never know what to do first. I don’t know where it comes from, but I have a constant sense of there not being enough time. Never enough time. So instead I waste time worrying about what to do and which choice to make. I freeze. I stall. Paralyzed.

What’s that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results? I think it’s time I try something different.

~E

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Current Gig - Dislikes

Before I start searching for my next job, I need to figure out exactly what I want. In order to do that, I'm going to explore what I like and dislike about my current position.

Dislikes:
1. I'm overqualified. My current job requires only a high school diploma or GED, I have a Bachelor's degree.


2. I'm not interested in this field. My position falls in the "administrative professional" category, while my office is in the legal/law enforcement field. Neither have ever been on my list of interests.


3. I don't use my skills or talents. My job does require the ability to work well with people, and I do believe this is something I do very well. However, the skills and talents going to waste are the ones I worked on in college - writing, editing, research, graphic design, photography, and art. I miss being creative. And I miss learning.


4. My work consists mostly of tedious tasks. Making photocopies, distributing the mail, sending faxes, stuffing envelopes, answering the phone. Some days I can actually feel my brain turning slowly to mush.


5. The pay. The very low pay. My position is entry-level, requires no education or previous training, and the pay very much reflects that.


6. No room for growth. In my small office, there are no opportunities for upward movement. I would only be able to move into a higher position if someone else retired, and if I also completed the required training for such a position. There's nothing to work towards.


7. My job is too public. I'm the face of my office, the first person to answer the phone or greet anyone who comes to the door. The introvert inside me finds this part of the job stressful and at times, tiring. I have to be "on" at all times. I have no privacy and no personal space. I can't pull an office door closed when I need some quiet time.


8. I'm missing actual work. I have things to do each day, but I feel like I'm lacking work. I want a project to tackle! I miss being in college and going from assignment to assignment.


9. A stressful environment. Day to day my office is not a bad place to be, but there are some high-stress days. I also deal with angry people on a regular basis and sometimes the negativity has an affect on me.

Up next ... Likes

~E