Thursday, March 31, 2011

In Search of Friends

At twenty-nine, I have no friends. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating, just honest.

Planning a wedding is often a reminder of what is missing in my life. So far it has been a very emotional process. Sadly, I won’t have any grandparents at my wedding. I don’t have close relationships with my extended family, so aunts, uncles and cousins will be absent as well. The wedding is a constant reminder of how far away my future stepchildren live, and the high costs of travel point to our frustrating financial and job situations.

There will be no bridesmaids or groomsmen standing up at our wedding. My husband-to-be has a few close friends to invite, but I do not. Traditional wedding events like bridal showers and bachelorette parties either won’t happen at all, or will be on a much smaller scale. My mother had the great idea of a private cooking lesson for a pre-wedding event. I answered “6” when asked how many people might attend but realistically I can’t fill that small guest list.

I think I make a great friend. There’s nothing wrong with me. But friendships from my past have ended or faded and meeting new people is hard.

How do you meet people in your twenties and thirties? My husband-to-be doesn’t drink at all, and I rarely do. The bar scene grew old for me a long time ago. I am not a mother yet, unlike many women my age, so “mommy” groups are out. We’re not religious so there isn’t a church community to pull friends from. I’ve never had a close relationship with my only sister, we’re just too different. My college experience didn’t lead to lifelong friendships – I attended two different universities and was a commuter student the entire time. I don’t take classes or participate in a lot of activities because they cost money that I’m trying not to spend. I’ve made fulfilling connections in online communities, but those friends cannot show up and be present in my real world life.

I work and I come home. My husband-to-be does the same. We’re homebodies and we like it, but sometimes we miss having people in our lives. An exciting milestone such as our wedding makes me want to have people to celebrate with. Life is good and I’m content, but a few genuine friendships would make things even better.



  1. Hello E. This is Anne from ivillage, I saw your blog in your profile and thought I would check it out. I love your writing, you have such a kind "voice."
    It's funny, our lives are very different but somehow we have a lot in common as well. I also do not have many friends. My husband and I are also home bodies, we too question whether we are too isolated at times.
    The internet is wonderful as a way to reach out and connect, but I agree it would be nice to be able to sit across from someone at times with a cup of coffee.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and encourage you to keep writing. It is a wonderful way to reach out and organize your thoughts at the same time.

  2. Hi Anne. :) Thank you for the kind words, and for being my first-ever blog comment. I appreciate both.